Internet Critics are "Metal-Flakes and Scrap-Shavings"

The bizarre Internet Critics of Quixtar are specialists at destroying things they never could have built themselves.

And who are these Internet Terrorists, anyway?

Are they successful business owners? No.

Are they successful financially? No.

Do they have any credibility? No.

Do they live exemplary lives? No.

Do they have personalities? Rarely.

Do you ever wonder what the critics of Quixtar would do if there were suddenly no Quixtar?

Just imagine these geeky misfits coming home after working their little jobs and logging onto the Internet, trying to find something to do to justify their failed existence. Perhaps they would turn their obsessive energies on persecuting restaurant owners, “revealing” the dirty little industry secret that “money is being made off of the sale of food!” (And it wasn’t even disclosed up front!) Or maybe they would turn against colleges, exposing the shameful practice of “textbooks REQUIRED for certain courses!” (No disclaimers? No “no one can guarantee these results?” printed at the bottom of each page?) Or perhaps they would rail against sports fans and tease them for going to a stadium packed with other enthusiasts and explain to them that their behavior is “cultish.”

It’s hard to imagine what the world would be like if these vapor-heads were turned loose upon society.

HERE is yet another reason to be proud of Quixtar!

Quixtar and its IBOs serve the same function as those magnets that come installed in automatic transmissions: they attract all the metal-flakes and scrap-shavings that would otherwise damage the car’s operation. Without Quixtar to attract and hold these “metal-flakes and scrap-shavings” they would bounce around loose in society, damaging its normal operation.

For THAT, Quixtar IBOs everywhere should be proud!